WARNING: the following post may contain descriptions of graphic violence. Read at your own discretion.
- On average I kill 4 mosquitoes in the dorm/day
- This is my 15th weekend, which means I have killed ~420 mosquitoes.
- On average I incur 4 mosquito bites/week, this means 14% of the mosquitoes I’ve killed bit me first.
- The most frequent place I’m bitten is on the backs of my calves (the worst was 3 on my face at once).
- I consume approximately 4 bananas/week (I see a connection, don’t you, there’s supposed to be something in bananas mosquitoes are attracted to).
But……perhaps this is my secret weapon to lure them in before I kill them.
Mosquito killing techniques I use:
- the two-handed clap (squashes them without mercy).
- the air snatch (this one took a while to perfect, as I grab them out of the air with one hand).
- the mirror smear (I like to use this one on the particularly fat ones so I can see exactly how much blood they’ve taken).
- the stunner (I slightly cup my hands during the two-handed clap, and stun them without killing them, then after I’ve picked them up by a leg, I rip out the stinger and really hope that they have pain receptors).
Just as the time of Buffy the vampire slayer has ended, there’s a new girl in town: Dana the mosquito masher (kind’ve has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?)
2 comments:
Time to update your site, come on Dana don't leave us out of the loop. This is worst than 2 weeks of Desperate Housewives re-runs!
Sorry, I've been working on my tan so much lately that I haven't had time.....right....
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