Another year older

So I celebrated the b-day a couple days ago (1/4 century baby), and I honestly was dreading the day. Not because of the age thing – more of the isolation thing (geographically and self-induced). I seriously thought that it would be a good day if I could make it through without spontaneously springing a leak. Wow, it was quite the opposite turn of events. During my pathology lab (1/2 the class is there), somehow one of my group members found out, and wished me happy b-day over the mic (I thought I had my blushing problem under control), it was so nice! Anyways, even though it was supposed to be an off day from the gym, I gave in for a good run – heck it was my birthday (yeah yeah, I’m addicted to endorphins so what). That evening, I was really just content to study in my room and was even looking forward to treating myself to an early bedtime after a long week - when there was a knock on my door. My roommates and friends had a cake, and were singing ‘happy birthday’ (the only thing missing was the stripper) – I was so surprised!!! I haven’t felt that warm fuzzy feeling in my heart for a while. I felt so flattered, and moved (sigh).
And yeah, I know that was a moment of mushiness (deal with it).

As you can see, even though I am getting older my lung capacity is in peak condition.

Why do some girls end up with wretched boys.....

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with med school perse....but stuff happens that makes me reflect on things....and I like to write....so if you feel you're missing out on a mentioning of something med related - check out this website:
Oculocephalic reflex

So many times I have watched girlfriends make such awful decisions in choosing the boy they will lend their affections to. We watch in horror and respect; in horror of the bad feeling we get when he’s around and wondering how our friend could like such a stomach twisting person, and in respect for her feelings in seeing how happy she appears when she’s with him. It seems that the progression of many young women’s relationships almost always starts with dating the disrespectful asshole (this is usually taken care of during our teen years), then we learn from our mistakes and move on. But why is that? Well,

a) attention!!!
b) younger women are totally insecure and have no clue what to expect (tip for the older guys if you’re feeling insecure and incompetent of pleasing a woman, target the younger crowd).
c) what if we don’t find someone after him and we’re alone forever? (yeah, far-fetched but its always in the back of the mind).

So what’s the math behind that one friend that cannot seem to learn from the same first mistake we all learned from a long time ago?
As obnoxious as Howard Stern can be, he is right on the money every time he has a stripper/porn star on his show (not for the sex appeal) – he always asks them about the relationship they have with their father…..no surprises, its always either non-existent or abusive in some way shape or form.

The friends that I’ve observed who have a hard time finding the upstanding men generally do not have the best of relationships with their father or lack thereof. For some reason, this seems to have a detrimental effect on the self-worth a women has, and it always seems to land her with doomed relationships. I can reflect inwardly on my own life…..during my asshole dating period (ok only 1 asshole – I’m a quick learner with a feministic mother) I had a strained relationship with the Tata, and it was reflected on my personal choices. The honest, caring, and virtuous young men were not hard to find once my father and I straightened things out. Plus, I like to keep the ‘I can kick your ass’ mind-set (from my father of course), which usually scares off the player types.

Warning - f bomb

I am paying oh I dunno….50+ grand a year to learn….and I’m getting (or not getting) f-ing bonus points for filling in a freakin’ scantron perfectly. WTF??!!! I’ll have you know that I won colouring contests for my abilities to stay in the lines and shade where deemed appropriate. Well, f-you people, you can take your f-ing bonus point and put ‘em wear the sun don’t shine because I DON’T NEED THEM ANYWAYS!!!!!

Oooo I get so mad sometimes.

Revelations

Since high school I’ve wavered between trying to figure out what I am comfortable with about myself, and what makes me the person that I am. Sometimes these things are hard to figure out, because we really have to admit to ourselves what we truly want - what defines us, versus what the façades are we put on display for other people to find where we fit in. Learning to be truly comfortable by oneself to figure that out is not an easy thing, and some people never accomplish it until there are an overwhelming amount of complications in doing so. Going away to medical school, especially coming here – a place filled with more bizarre people than you can imagine has really forced me to define myself. I can say that I am more confident and content with who I am, and even though it can get lonely at times, I am more comfortable with all of the ‘imperfections’ that make me. I can ironically say that nothing in my life has gone smoothly, or as planned, but in the process of it all I am becoming the perfect version of the imperfect me.

**I would like to dedicate this post to Megan, and the perhaps the vodka we drank together last night which inspired this stark moment of seriousness on my blog. And of course, not to disappoint – here is a picture of the two sexiest biatches on the island.

Breathing out

I made it through the first set of midterms. Had pathology on Monday (it went well), and I just finished microbiology today (hopefully I can say the same). They seemed more serious this semester as we were even provided with a pencil and eraser for the test (I was a little disappointed because I have an attachment to my trusty pencil which has carried me all the way through last year). Anyways, they also stipulated (in writing) that we could not leave until the end of 3 hours for our pathology exam. This is the worst possible torture for me, as I am practically always one of the first people to finish writing - I’m a speed reader and never question my responses unless I absolutely have no idea (which of course is rare…..). So after having to take a 70 min nap during the path exam I was a little worried the same thing would happen for micro. Thankfully, it didn’t which allowed me some time in the dorm to crank up the speakers, put on my bathing suit and do some serious celebratory dancing before the roommates returned (you would too if you were stuck inside studying for the last 1.5 weeks straight).

100 things about me

Because you really really wanted to know.....and I had nothing better to do.
1. I can only wink with my right eye (don’t ask me to even try with my left, cause I look like a ‘tard).
2. I love myself the most when I’m eating healthy and workout out on a daily basis.
3. I dislike myself the most when I’m lazy.
4. I can fit my fist in my mouth, and touch my tongue to my nose.
5. I like making bread, but I don’t like eating it.
6. I like to cook for people.
7. I have a hard time naming things when people ask me my favourites.
8. I don’t like pop.
9. I can make a clover shape out of my tongue.
10. Cheese is one of my favourite food items.
11. I’m unable to ‘hork’ (I think that’s a good thing, as I think it’s the most disgusting sound ever).
12. I love waking up early and enjoying a peaceful morning.
13. I feel the most empowered lifting in the gym.
14. I abhor bicep isolation exercises.
15. Even though I dislike my thighs, I like to think that with the right costume, I could look like a female action character from a comic book.
16. If I am walking alone, I tend to hum to myself.
17. I love watching training scenes in any sort of action movie.
18. I’ve never had braces.
19. I love reading about technology specs if I’m planning on buying.
20. I am a very independent person (I realize I can only count on myself).
21. If I was abandoned on a desert island with only one thing to eat for the rest of my life it would be ice cream.
22. Everything I’ve always been meaning to organize comes to the forefront of my mind during test times.
23. My left hip flexor is more flexible than my right.
24. I love putting on eye makeup.
25. I don’t like chewing gum (but I’ll chew through an entire pack in less than an hour the night before a test).
26. I hate crying in front of people, or showing any vulnerability for that matter.
27. One day I would love to write a book regarding women’s health.
28. When I was younger I named some of my moles (the one on my right lower calf is mark).
29. I listen to classical piano music or Italian tenors when I study.
30. I’ve gone to the theatre to watch movies by myself, if no one else has wanted to go (it’s a pretty non-social outing anyways, so who cares).
31. I have yet to attend a post secondary education graduation (even though I apparently have 3 degrees).
32. I have contemplated burning my master’s degree, and the thesis that went with it.
33. I would like to do a triathlon in the near future.
34. When I am running I visualize I am being attacked to run faster.
35. I relate more easily to guys (so do all of my girlfriends – that’s why we’re friends!)
36. I cannot relate to females who complain of menstrual problems.
37. I like spicy food.
38. I don’t believe in soul mates.
39. I do believe in karma.
40. I am always shy and reserved at first.
41. I admire and look up to my brothers for entirely different things (even though I’m the eldest).
42. I don’t like loud sounds or yelling.
43. I love my breasts and the side profile of my bubble butt.
44. I easily laugh at myself, and my own jokes (yeah I know its gay).
45. I am very critical at times.
46. The television makes me sleepy.
47. I hope to be married with children one day, but if not I will accept that it is God’s plan for me.
48. When I was a child I was scared of dying from a gun or knife wound (WTF????)
49. I’m good at seeing both sides of a situation which makes it hard for me to get angry with people.
50. On the other hand it makes me indecisive about a lot of things.
51. I’ve been eating oatmeal and protein powder everyday for breakfast for the last 2.5 years.
52. I am always working towards finding the balance that works for me (mind, body, spirit).
53. I’m still not quite sure how to refer to myself (is it Dana or ‘Donna’ – geez parents!).
54. If you leave me alone with a mirror, I flex and pose.
55. I believe that proper nutrition and exercise would solve 90% of all the health-related problems in the Western world.
56. I dislike gossip (unless it’s in the tabloids!)
57. There’s nothing better than sitting in front of a crackling fire in the winter when it’s cold.
58. The weirdest things I’ve done while studying is duct-tape waxed a patch of hair off my arms (I’m easily distractible).
59. I’ve put myself into a chocolate coma.
60. I don’t like the combination of tomatoes and green peppers in a salad.
61. If I am completely alone, I am perpetually singing.
62. When I feel nervous or shy I tuck my hair behind my ear on the left side and giggle a lot.
63. I learned how to swallow food whole when I was 4 (melted spinach was being forced upon me).
64. I’d rather just not talk to a person than be fake.
65. When I’m bored in class I flex my pectoral muscles because I can.
66. I’m a little slow in referring to right/left side, because I always think of it in terms or treble/bass cleft on a piano (I know really bizarre).
67. I dislike the smells of peanut butter and popcorn (but I like to eat them).
68. The harder the material, the more likely I am to learn it well.
69. There is separation between the bones in my right ankle from injuring it so many times (so it looks bigger than my left).
70. I’ve had both of my elbows dislocated at once.
71. My best dancing is done after a workout getting ready for the shower.
72. I can’t stand cigarette smoke (yay Ontario – prohibition!).
73. I’ve been in love.
74. I’ve had my heart broken.
75. I’ve broken hearts.
76. I’ve watched a friend die.
77. I’ve always wanted to find a kitten hiding in my closet.
78. I’ve hid from my mother in my closet (that was a good beating afterwards).
79. I hated piano competitions (Kiwanis ughhh).
80. I used to compose piano music with lyrics.
81. I like playing 1-1 ball with the boys (you can be aggressive without having anyone take it personally).
82. One of the things I like most about living in Grenada is lack of materialism.
83. I’m a huge goofball at heart (this is an extremely well guarded trait).
84. I like words that are not used everyday.
85. I detest Americanized spelling.
86. I can be extremely sarcastic.
87. Apparently I have certain hand motions when I talk, that include rubbing my palms together on a horizontal plane.
88. I’m allergic to sulfa drugs.
89. and Dr. Pepper (which is ok because of #8).
90. and certain types of soy products.
91. If I were to describe myself in one word it would be ‘resilient’.
92. I become a ‘dumb blonde’ when I drink (for some reason my friends love it).
93. I like cheesy alliterations and puns.
94. I own a lot of perfumes but seldom wear them.
95. I have a low tolerance for illogical thought processes.
96. and voluntary ignorance.
97. One of my favourite authors is D.H. Lawrence.
98. When I wear my digital watch it is always on 24 hr time.
99. I wrote this entire list while studying for my path exam.
100. Yes, I am easily distracted, and hopefully it went alright.

Midterm time

So, as per request (from a comment that was left!) here are some “action” shots of how I spend most of my time.

Study position #332 – observe the intense look of concentration and ponderance.

Study position #201 – getting interesting…. “That’s so cool, I’ve always wondered how that worked”

Study position #649 – giving my bum a rest and abs a test (I couldn’t resist the rhyme).

Study position #084 – okay, I’m getting tired of reading.

The hazard of sitting on the ball – inevitably I forget that balls roll, so when I stand up to grab a book, and then go to sit back down again, the ball has already rolled away, and as a result, my coccyx (tailbone) is nicely bruised.

My entreaty

So every week I put up a post or two, then a few days later, I check to see how many people actually read it (yes I have a counter). And every week I am pleasantly surprised to see that there are actually people reading it (although, outside of a few relatives I really don’t know who reads this). Here’s what my problem is - no one (with the exception of 1 person every now and then) leaves me any feedback/comments, which is making me wonder the following:

a) I truly am a geeky bizarre person, with thoughts and experiences un-relatable to anything anyone has thought of or done.
b) You’re all a bunch of scaredey cats who don’t want their names or identities revealed (you read my blog like you would a dirty magazine).
c) What the hell would you comment on anyways?

The first one I have no solution to. Yes, I write some pretty ridiculous things on here, many of them I do think/do, others are entirely for my own amusement (and I hope yours as well).

The second point, lets pretend that you all have blogs, and that I wanted to remain as an anonymous poster – in which I could do two of the following.
1) Just choose to put the name ‘anonymous’ in the username option, or
2) Choose a nickname depending on what context you know me in – sort of like an inside joke. For example, (if I was posting on your blog) I might refer to myself as: Gumbi, Boxout Barbie, Dumbbelldiva, Techbunny, Big D, Partner in crime, Apostosinger, Godiva.

Okay, for the third point – true, what would you comment on? I’m grasping for straws here. Here are some generic comments (now that I’ve used them, you can’t):
“nice to see you’re doing well”
“Wow, this post is gay”
“lol” – its good to know you bring a smile to someone’s face

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest I anticipate 1 of 2 things:
1) I get a flooding of cheesy impersonal comments for the next few posts (to placate my insecurities), and then nothing again.
2) I get no comments at all (and we pretend I never wrote this post) or one from my mother.

SUNdays

Alright, alright, so I really made an effort to get a picture for you people (Nick you better appreciate this). If you remember the photo from last year around the same time – it’s the same $&!*, different book.

So, in case you were wondering how my Sundays have been unfolding, here is my day today:

7:00am - wake up, put on bathing suit, and go sleep some more in the sun.
8:30am - wake up again, look out into the ocean and wish I was a mermaid (you laugh, but we’ve all thought of it some time or another).
8:45am - jump in the water to cool off.
9:00am - dry off and head back to the dorm.
9-10am - shower, clean, and assemble breakfast for friend so we can do path slides.
11am - finish slides, study (eat again somewhere in between).
3pm - circuit training with the Kung fu master (I am still a grasshopper).
4pm - shower #2, begin dinner preparation for entire weeks meals.
5pm till bedtime - study, fidget, dawdle, and study again.

**Please disregard my posting times, as no matter what time zone I set for my blog, it won't change**

Filler

Another busy week has gone by, and sometimes it seems that no matter how much work I get done, the amount left is endless. Even though I took med micro during my undergrad, it never ceases to amaze me of how much I cannot remember. I attribute this to the teaching style of the professor, and the nature of the material. We were basically given hundreds of questions for the entire semester that he would choose from for the midterm and final, so potentially if you memorized them all you could get perfect. This type of learning is just not conducive to retaining information, so I hope after I finish the course more of the material stays in my head. Pathology is well under way, and our group dynamics seem to be pretty good. This is very important because once our advanced clinical skills labs start I will be spending four hours a day, everyday with these people. We’re not as efficient as I’d like us to be, but I play nice with the group and then do the material on my own – for me to really learn things I have to figure them out for myself, I sort of tune out when someone’s trying to explain something (perhaps a reflexive instinct from my childhood).

Anyways, I have no new pictures of anything remotely exciting (unless you count the one I took of my rear delt the other day, but seriously, who wants to see that?). If I take some this weekend, I’ll be sure to post them up.

Sparkles?

I was getting “dressed up” to go out last night. We live in Grenada, the fanciest possible place you can go to is probably the rip-off resort restaurant that I wrote about last semester. So my idea of looking somewhat decent here is the “good jeans” and a push-up bra under my shirt. For some others, this is what they’ll study in, while wearing wedge heels. So when I asked the new roommate if my outfit looked alright her response was that I looked a little too casual for going to a bar (think Johnny Shots caliber), and needed something sparkly (by the way, I had a ‘casual jean skirt’ on, with a white halter top, and my bandolino’s).

Sparkly.
Right.
Me, the girl who will wear my ripped jeans, a soccer jersey, adidas kicks, and a baseball hat to class.
Plus, who needs sparkles if you have boobs.

Inappropriate conversations

There have been quite a few conversations I’ve had recently with a certain person that I really do not know that well. I don’t start the conversations, nor do I lead them anywhere, but she persists on bringing up somewhat inappropriate comments/stories/questions. When I begin to hear them I internalize my cringe reaction, and swallow the caustic sarcasm that so often surfaces to my tongue. What do I do? I’ve attempted avoidance when possible. I try hard not to laugh. I am soooooo tempted to fabricate a horrifyingly inappropriate conversation/question for this person just for my own amusement – but I’m worried what else could possibly be unleashed. I’m not one to be grossed-out/prudish/ultra-religious……but damn, there are some things that should not be shared…..with anyone.

Gripes, rants, and annoyances

To:

Whiny annoying girl - nobody likes a whiner. Please cease and desist.

Morning gym boy – yes you’ve told me you’re name twice and I still can’t remember. STOP STARING AT ME.

Skinny fat girl at the gym – get off the gyno machine. It’s a waste of metal used to pump up the adductor muscles of bodybuilders before a show. AND THAT’S IT.

Long winded path girl – who are you, and how did you get in our path group? Stop reading us paragraphs off your slides while pointing to each word (we can read).

Stress boy – Yes I’m aware of how much work we have – we’re in all the same classes, the last thing I care about is how much info you can spout off.

Dormguest – please go home, you’re impinging on my afternoon naked time after a sweaty workout.

80s party girls

Megan and I celebrated our 1 year 80s anniversary. God help us if that fashion era ever returns.

Getting into the groove

So 4th term is well underway, we have started the infamous ‘Pathology lab’, and I can already see how time consuming the work will be for it. I have become machine-like, running on endorphin highs which push me through my days (I’m waiting for the elative feelings to wear off). I spent last Sunday preparing 15 tupperwared meals, ready to consume, study/workout nutrient optimized (I even calculated the macros, and no, I’m not OCD). Not so bad, the worst part was washing and chopping all the vegetables. The gym finally started opening up at 6am again, and most days our classes don’t start until 9. So, I don’t have to become too hardcore yet on the early mornings (thankfully). My body is aching from getting back into the weight routine, as I've been silently crying my way up the hill to class in the morning.

This weekend is the 80s party (I posted about it last year around the same time), I can’t wait to see all the crazy outfits – I’ll have to raid some people’s closets to figure something out for myself (good thing I have bangs though, I can’t wait to tease them!). I have a feeling my posts are going to be pretty bland this semester, as I don’t seem to have a lot of extra time to reflect on much (except what we learned in class).

There and back again.

How was my summer? Hmmm…..otherwise than being entirely too short, with definitely not enough rest, I think the best way to describe certain parts of it can be through a list of random farm memories:

1. Waking up and washing my face with collected rain water.
2. Hiking across the side of a mountain, and jumping barbed wire fences to get back to the farm after a night on the town.
3. Observing cow placenta
4. Doing a beetle check before getting into bed.
5. Showering on less than 2 gallons of water, while kneeling so the water would hit me.
6. Tossing 80 lbs bails of hay and stacking them in barns.
7. Taking out the cows in the morning.
8. Swimming in a marshy river with some sort of water worms.
9. Drinking more beer and turkish coffee in 12 days than an entire year.
10. Cooking on a wood burning stove.
11. Shelling endless piles of peas.
12. Going to a celebratory picnic involving a rock throwing competition.
13. Loving every second of it!!!

I’m back now, and we’ve started classes and lab. I feel like I’m in a horror movie where you’re waiting for the killer to jump out and murder someone. Except I’m just eagerly(?) anticipating the work we’ll have this semester. When I arrived in Grenada they were celebrating Carnivale (no clue what it’s for). Friends and I went to catch part to the parade which consisted of some interesting and colourful costumes, lots of glitter, and some insane booty-shaking to soca music and steel drum bands. Anyways, I’m getting back into routine and starting to pump myself up for the work. Bring it on.

They were booty-shaking under that flower together - soooo cute!

Epilogue to the year

I’m home (for 66 hours). And nothing at all has changed (except its fish fly season – ughhhh), in fact there was still Christmas candy on my desk that I was sure someone would eat. After a long day of traveling, my stomach was bothering me a bit, and of course my father’s cure all for any type of ailment is some type of alcohol. Just as Slivovica (plum brandy) can fight SARS, fevers, colds, aches, chills, and pretty much any other type of problem, homemade wine cures stomachaches (who needs med school if you can distill your own alcohol). As happy as I am to be back, I felt sad that I missed out on some of the events this year – festivals, tournaments, showers, carrousel – I really missed that sense of community and belonging.

Since, I am now off the island and out of school for a bit I won’t be posting for the next little while (Eurotrip 2006 yeah baby!). I have to say that I’m really excited to do some good hard manual labor on the farm – the possibilities are endless, raking hay, weeding the potato field, watching the sheep (okay not so labor intensive, but you have to be vigilant for the snakes….). Anyways, I have to go finish packing (again), see you all when I get back!

Contentment

I’m done, I made it through 6 months here, and I can’t believe in 6 short weeks I’ll be back. If you can remember from my first post of the January semester, I came back not looking forward to much here on the island. Everyday I have dutifully crossed off another day from my calendar, and numbered my weekends, and I would sigh staring at those double digit numbers. Then something happened. It wasn’t an overnight change, but the island started to feel like home.

So Saturday morning I enjoyed myself – really enjoyed myself. My morning began with a 1.5 hour pedicure at a hotel beach resort. There was no sense in ruining a good pedicure by running out into the sand right away, so I slept by their pool for the remainder of the morning. I basked in my solitude and just felt such intense relaxation listening to the ocean. If this was a good romance novel I would profess my undying love for Grenada (okay, for the beach), and perhaps fill in a rich description of my sensual morning in the sun. But World Cup is on (the flawless Argentinians are playing), and I’m a sucker for footballers.

The Sacrifice of Mary Rose

Med school hardships

Well, I finally pulled my first all-nighter here in med school. Yep, Friday night was a great party. Oddly enough, it began with my friends and me agreeing to call it an early evening so we could get up early the next day. So 12:30 came and went, 3 am passed us by, and by 4:30 I had offered to cook breakfast for the remaining of us (I really miss those sausage stands they have downtown after a night of good drinking). So, I made it to bed by 5:30am (my normal wake-up time was supposed to be an hour ago). Unfortunately, being the day person I am, by 10am I could sleep no longer, and was forced to climb out of bed to the sound of the AC repairmen banging on the door (yes, our AC was broken AGAIN).
It was a long and hard weekend. World cup soccer games were playing in the lecture hall, so I had to go watch them. And then the weather was so nice, which forced me to go the beach. For those of you concerned with my study habits, don’t worry I studied Saturday and Sunday night (I think).
On another note, the mosquitoes are back, and they still love me. I have a theory as to why I’m preferred to other people’s blood. My blood type is O-. This means that I have a lesser amount of surface proteins on my red blood cells. My theory is that digestion of my blood in a mosquito is akin to simple carbohydrate digestion in humans – sweet to taste, fast to absorb, and instantly pleasurable for the brain.

Anyways, here’s a pic of Megan and I from a Wednesday night soiree a friend had last week. There was no alcohol involved here for me (well, only a little), so I’m not making the deviant eyed face.