Pimped

After travelling to New York, Chicago, Baltimore, and Pennsylvania this month for interviews I am feeling a little like a travelling salesperson in trying to sell myself, and quite frankly I’m sick of the product. I won’t complain about having to pack for 2 months of clinical rotations in Florida. Of course I’m excited about the weather, but I am more relieved that I will be living in one place for 2 full months, and not travelling back and forth between Windsor and Detroit or any other city for that matter.

I wanted to write about my last interview experience. First let me preview it with some advice I was given during the hospital tour by a resident recounting his interview experience from the same director:

“oh yeah its really laid back, he ends of talking more than asking you questions.”

My mind was prepared for my regular pitch while entering the interview room, and I was put at ease as we bantered about the surrounding Eastern European population of the area. As the conversational questioning ensued (from both sides) things made a turn for the unexpected.

I got pimped.

Like really pimped.

Like “surgery rotation” pimped.

I was given two different clinical scenarios on the work up of anaemia (oh yes I got one for microcytic and macrocytic), what I would look for in the labs, what I would see on a peripheral blood smear……the pathway of B12 absorption in the gut…..most likely and other causes of microcytic anaemia (TICS* saved me)…..what populations are more susceptible to it….

Thankfully my memory was functional and intact. It would have been inappropriate for me to jump up and yell 'Eat it!' but that's what I was saying in my head while I smiled graciously and expressed my pleasure in meeting him.

And when I left the interview room to sit with the other candidates I learned no one else had been pimped….WTF

*TICS = Thalassemias, Iron deficiency, anemia of Chronic disease, Sideroblastic

Uncertainty

Ever feel tearfully tired? It’s 2 am and I am reading about Heisenberg’s principle of uncertainty in hopes that it will make me fall asleep. But for some reason its beginning to worry me more, in that I think it may refute any fatalistic hopes I have. I’ve also had a subacute raging headache since 4 pm this afternoon, although I think it’s on the account of feeling dehydrated. Instead of drinking more water right now, I am just so tired to the point that I am wishing I had IV access for fluids. This entire match process is taking a toll on my well-being. The thoughts in my head are keeping me from closing my eyes at night to fall into a restful sleep. Instead, as the hours pass by the more disordered my thoughts become, but retaining the central underlying theme – “The Match”, and how I will rank the programs I want to attend. You see, I know where I feel I would like to be, but my fate is left up to a computer based matching system, that uses algorithmics to calculate your match based on how the program also ranked you. I wish I had a mentor who was coming from a similar background in this whole process. I find people often seek advice on matters they already intrinsically know the answer to – more to make sure decisions can be affirmed. And when one hears advice they do not wish to hear, often several opinions are attained until the ‘right one’ is heard. I find this statement to hold true for most purposes. I wish I had someone to reaffirm my decisions with; perhaps it would take some of the weight off my shoulders. I abhor this type of uncertainty. I shouldn’t be, and I’m trying not to want anything too badly (as I know this will most certainly jinx my chances). I hope this post has gotten some of the words out of my head so there is more room for sleep to set in.

Organizational Avoidance

This is a pic of me in China town after a jaunt to NYC for an interview. I only brought with me a carry-on luggage, along with my computer and external hard drive (its a small portable one). But since my return, the external hard drive is making clicking and spinning noises. This is not good. Not good at all. There is a hard drive recovery business in Roseville, Michigan that has a clean room for repairs. I’m praying that it won’t cost more than $200.00 to recover my files….

I have a lot of old back up CDs that I had made before I bought pre-external storage space era. What I am missing is all my music files, photos from 2007/2008, bootleg programs, documents, and an entire slew of other things that I have saved……

And of course I find once I start worrying about one thing a barrage of worries breaks open a dam of suppressed worries and thoughts. In the past when too many things on my mind would pile up I would often resort to sleeping (sometimes with supplementation) for long periods of time, which is counterproductive to getting things done. But over time, I’ve come to realize there is one thing that voids my mind without fail. This is also a great procrastination tool I’ve used during key studying hours – Organizing!

My mother donates to the Canadian Wildlife Federation, and subsequently she receives yearly gifts of boxes of note cards. These have been piling up in a closet for many years now, so I took it upon myself to empty, categorize, and alphabetize 11 boxes of cards. So if you happen to receive a rather unattractive, tacky “thinking of you” card with a picture of rabbits or loons in the mail you’ll know from whom its been sent.

Happy New Years

Silliness starts to happen when I have a little too much time to play with. The silliness seed was planted while watching cake competitions on the Food Network with Sara last week. This gave me the creative inspiration to bake something for the New Years party I was attending. And so the conversation in my head began, and over some coffee with Lopez the idea was born. It started out with me rambling like this:

“You know, I’d really like to bake a cake for New Years……what can I make that represents New Years….how ‘bout a party hat that said happy new years….naw……how ‘bout a champagne bottle….yeah! A champagne bottle….but you know what would be way cooler was if the champagne bottle was standing straight up….hmmmm….that would be tricky with cake”

So logistics on how it might work with cake was bounced back and forth. Then it struck me:

“I got it! A Rice Krispy treat champagne bottle! Then I could melt green chocolate and coat it, so it actually looks like a bottle!”

And so the idea was born, and there was only one person I could call who willfully participates in my retardedness.

Here is a toast to Sara over Rice Krispy Champagne:

“To good health, great friends, and more ridiculous ideas for the future”

Random Reflections

Here is the annual family Christmas photo with all the cousins. I am the eldest cousin, with the next set not following until 9 years later!

From time to time things pop into my head and I think to myself- 'I should blog about this', but usually the thought is so disjointed that it doesn't amount to more than a couple of sentences of material. So here are some of my random reflections:

- My mother telling me to think of something I want for Christmas, and when I finally do she asks me: "what do you need that for?"

- I've tried to learn new things this year that are not related to medicine. New things I've tried include knitting, painting, Spanish, texas hold'em, and curling my hair with a flat iron.

- When I visited my doc for the yearly check-up and asked how things were going I was feeling really good and happy about life. Then she reminded me about how lonely things must be, and how hard the last year must have been......weird. Then I realized whenever I go through sucky times, I really do not recollect much of the bad things. Perhaps one may call this a skewed view of reality, I like to think I have a happy selective memory (and not some sort of dissociative disorder).

- I really want to go skiing as I haven't been in years, and I feel like I finally have some time.

- I think I found new running inspiration to anything by 'The Crystal Method' with expletives.

- One thing that’s pretty cool about finally having a bathroom all to myself, is that I can put little notes or affirmations on my mirror like “I will not swallow my gum today” and such, and I don’t have to feel embarrassed about doing it, because nobody will see it except for me (I don't even like chewing gum though).