Desperate Measures

Originally written March 17th, 2008

It began Sunday morning, after sleeping most of Saturday being post call, and then into Saturday night. I awoke early Sunday morning as most normal people do – with the urge to pee. Quite unfortunately the bathroom was preoccupied with my roommates’ new fornicating friend. “No worries” I said to myself, “I’ll simply use the spare basement bathroom” (really only used in dire circumstances as it’s grungy, never cleaned, and the door doesn’t shut completely). As I walked out to the living room I noticed our door open, and silently prayed no one would be in the basement. Down the first set of stairs I climbed only to realize the basement door was open, and only one thing could be true – the basement bathroom was occupied. Oh the horror! Where was I to seek relief as I had already held out as along as possible for the upstairs bathroom. Desperate urges called for desperate measures…….I could wait no longer……..My eyes spied a glass in my room……did I dare? There was no place else. The unimaginable became a reality, as I was disgusted with what I was forced to do, but left with no other choice. Grossly disturbed and wondering how I should discard of this specimen I contemplated my options – do I pour it into the proper receptacle or………….how about throwing it out the window? Strangely, this seemed like the most satisfying option as I was somewhat incensed by what I was forced to do. And so up went the window pane, and like a mediaeval wench, merely cleaning house as the other bourgeoisie would do, out went my pee onto the grass below.
As for that glass (and the fact that it isn’t mine, and really cannot be discarded), I scratched a small marking on the bottom so I will know never to drink from it again. Even though I’ve bleached it, just knowing what it was used for is enough to make sure it stays in the back of the cabinet.