Happy New Years

Silliness starts to happen when I have a little too much time to play with. The silliness seed was planted while watching cake competitions on the Food Network with Sara last week. This gave me the creative inspiration to bake something for the New Years party I was attending. And so the conversation in my head began, and over some coffee with Lopez the idea was born. It started out with me rambling like this:

“You know, I’d really like to bake a cake for New Years……what can I make that represents New Years….how ‘bout a party hat that said happy new years….naw……how ‘bout a champagne bottle….yeah! A champagne bottle….but you know what would be way cooler was if the champagne bottle was standing straight up….hmmmm….that would be tricky with cake”

So logistics on how it might work with cake was bounced back and forth. Then it struck me:

“I got it! A Rice Krispy treat champagne bottle! Then I could melt green chocolate and coat it, so it actually looks like a bottle!”

And so the idea was born, and there was only one person I could call who willfully participates in my retardedness.

Here is a toast to Sara over Rice Krispy Champagne:

“To good health, great friends, and more ridiculous ideas for the future”

Random Reflections

Here is the annual family Christmas photo with all the cousins. I am the eldest cousin, with the next set not following until 9 years later!

From time to time things pop into my head and I think to myself- 'I should blog about this', but usually the thought is so disjointed that it doesn't amount to more than a couple of sentences of material. So here are some of my random reflections:

- My mother telling me to think of something I want for Christmas, and when I finally do she asks me: "what do you need that for?"

- I've tried to learn new things this year that are not related to medicine. New things I've tried include knitting, painting, Spanish, texas hold'em, and curling my hair with a flat iron.

- When I visited my doc for the yearly check-up and asked how things were going I was feeling really good and happy about life. Then she reminded me about how lonely things must be, and how hard the last year must have been......weird. Then I realized whenever I go through sucky times, I really do not recollect much of the bad things. Perhaps one may call this a skewed view of reality, I like to think I have a happy selective memory (and not some sort of dissociative disorder).

- I really want to go skiing as I haven't been in years, and I feel like I finally have some time.

- I think I found new running inspiration to anything by 'The Crystal Method' with expletives.

- One thing that’s pretty cool about finally having a bathroom all to myself, is that I can put little notes or affirmations on my mirror like “I will not swallow my gum today” and such, and I don’t have to feel embarrassed about doing it, because nobody will see it except for me (I don't even like chewing gum though).

Bleeding from Below

I'm done my ED rotation, and I made it home in this somewhat perilous weather. I think my favourite part of the rotation was all the different people you get to see - it really is like a "box of chocolates" in never knowing "what you're gonna get". Some people were nasty, but it was all wiped away when you'd see a sweet 90 some year old person, who was awake, alert and oriented and only rambling a little.

It would be interesting to see from a patient's perspective what it is like visiting a teaching hospital. I know I've tried to look at certain instances from their perspective, and I honestly begin to laugh at the awkwardness of some of the interactions. For example, in the ED, for many different complaints a "Guaiac" has to be done to make sure the person is not bleeding internally. I was scutted out more than a few times to collect the sample on patients that I had not interviewed or examined myself.....so basically, I'd blindly walk into a patient's room, introduce myself as "Dana, the medical student", and state I needed to check if they were bleeding from below. How would you feel if a stranger came up to you and implied they had to put a finger in your bottom?
In observing the situation from a third person perspective, perhaps I have an evil sense of humour, but I really can't help but laugh....because it is sort of funny. Although from a more empathetic point of view I feel bad, because the person is already feeling sick and vulnerable....

Anyways, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to everyone. In another month, my blog will again be taking place in warmer, sunny weather!

Choose your own ending

I was just told by an attending he didn't see me as a Rehab doctor.......so I replied "alright, well what do I look like to you?" to which he replied "I would like to see you turn into a bitchy ER doctor".....haha, I hope that never happens.

I just finished an 8 hour ER shift, although I didn't actually leave until an hour afterwards as there was an nice abscess to I&D on an HIV patient I had been working up on my shift. Although we should technically view each patient we see as though they may have HIV, when I know a person does, it makes me a lot more consciously aware of the precautions I'm taking to protect myself.

The attending I worked with tonight teaches by letting people doing. It was nice to feel like I was actually competent instead of my useless med-student self. By giving me responsibility, and allowing me to make and rationalize my decisions made me really feel like I was contributing rather than spectator-ing to patient care.

I really would not want to be an ER doctor - sure it's exciting in that you can see so many different cases in one shift. But I like continuity of care, and I like being able to see how my patients will do in the long term. Being an ER doctor is like reading a "choose your own ending" book, without being able to read any of the endings. I'm the type of person that will peek at the book endings if I can't help myself.

Small Town Girl

This month I am rotating through the Emergency Department. In scheduling this rotation, my goal was initially to obtain more experience with some of the procedures I may encounter as an intern. I've just finished my 3rd day in the ER, and for some reason none of my patients have required any procedural interventions, nor have the modules I've been on had as much action as I'd like. I'm not necessarily wishing misfortune on people......I just want some hands on learning.

Tonight was an interesting mish-mash of patients ranging from the standard chest pain, seizures, pneumonia, hypoglycemic coma, and all the way to hypothyroid myxedema. Somehow between all of this I was able to do my laundry at the hospital. I now have the next 24 hours off before I begin a few days of night shift (10pm - 6am).

I came home yesterday evening, after a jaunt to Brooklyn, New York, for an interview. Although I really have no intentions of doing a residency in New York, being at that interview solidified my intentions. It was difficult to muster up enthusiasm during the interview as I could feel the negative energy of some of the people in the program (including the residents), to the general area around the hospital.....quite depressing in fact. I even had a first year resident say to me how lucky I was to have an interview because pretty soon Caribbean med students won't be getting them (whatever jackass, I don't know where he's getting this information from). I'm currently looking to see if I can possibly cancel another New York interview I have, just because I most definitely do not want to live there for 3 years. For me, New York city is a great place to visit, go out, and shop, but taking tune from a favourite song of mine:

"I'm just a small town girl......."

That and I like seeing grass.

OMG

Dana Seslija's Dewey Decimal Section:

539 Modern physics

Dana Seslija = 41419592901 = 414+195+929+01 = 1539


Class:
500 Science


Contains:
Math, astronomy, prehistoric life, plants and animals.



What it says about you:
You are fascinated by the world around you, and see it as a puzzle worth exploring. You try to understand how things work and how you can make them better. You might be a nerd.

Find your Dewey Decimal Section at Spacefem.com

How funny is this......especially that last line.

Black Friday

I'm not sure why I've never been shopping on black friday before, but it was well worth it......
Diana arrived the night before to sleepover so we could plan our excursion and engage in the insanity that so many other Americans enjoy every year.

Coffee maker set - check
Alarm set for 3am - check
Protein bars packed - check
Blueprints of store buildings and mapped layouts with the fastest way to coveted items - check
(j.k. on that last one....we're not that crazy!)

Alarm goes off at 3am.....by 3:46we are on our way (if the pics are blurry that's because this is what things look like at this time of the morning).
By 5:49 (notice the continued blurriness), we have finished shopping at Kohl's, and are just in time for the opening of Target. Local news was there interviewing the massive line up of people waiting to get in. We waited in the warm car.....because comon' we're not that nuts....

While waiting, here is a pick of us- 'bright eyed' and ready to shop! And so, after a quick nip into Target, we made our way over to Circuit City, Macy's, J.C. Penney, and Oakland Mall.

By 10:47, after 6 hours of shopping we decided that maybe it was time for another coffee. After regrouping and planning the final leg of our attack, we made our way over to Dick's Sporting, Sally Beauty supply shop, Kirklands, DSW, Barnes and Noble's, and to complete our cirlce, one last run through Kohl's.

Thankfully Diana drove her SUV over and had the seats folded down in the back.

Our excursion ended around 11:30 am (although it felt like 3pm). I'm not sure if this conveys the extent of our damage. Not all the stores had great sales, we found Kohl's and Target to have the best of what we were looking for.

So as a recap, in 7.5 hours we visited:
1. Kohl's **
2. Target **
3. Circuit City
4. Macy's
5. Oakland Mall (mostly Steve and Barry's **)
6. J.C. Penney
7. Panera (coffee break **)
8. Dick's Sporting
9. Sally Beauty Supply **
10. Kirkland's **
11. Barnes and Noble's **
12. DSW **
13. Kohl's (again)

It was definitely a fun day of shopping, and something I would do again next year.

Thanks Di!
xoxo

Dreams....

I’ve been having a recurring dream lately.  Last night was the second night I dreamt about it.  It was exciting in that my medical knowledge is now starting to even translate into my dreams, but aside from that it was a little eerie considering this was the second time I had it. 

I dreamt I was having a cardiac tamponade.  I knew exactly how it happened, and what had to be done to save me from death.  Somehow a miniscule sized hole had been blown through my left ventricular wall (how, I do not know), and blood was pooling into my pericardial sac.  The scary part in my dream was that no one would listen to me (my fellow students were trying to argue my differential diagnosis), and the paramedics called to the scene refused to treat me.  I knew that I didn’t have much time left to live, and I knew the procedure that had to be done to resuscitate me.  Oddly enough, I had found a faceless inexperienced med student to aspirate the fluid out of my pericardial sac.  When I was guiding this person through the procedure (don’t ask how I knew what to do as I've never seen the procedure in real life), I felt as though I was both people – myself with the cardiac tamponade, and the student with the needle penetrating my chest wall.  Eventually the blood was withdrawn, and only then did the paramedics finally believe me, and took over from there.  I remember feeling just really scared and frustrated in the dream because no one would listen to me or help me…… but it was still cool to have the medical stuff in it.

Back again

After much thought and consideration I’ve decided to start blogging again. I blogged briefly last year on a shared blog, so I transferred a few of the (what I think are) funnier posts I had written. It was interesting going back and reading through old posts I have written and reflect on what else was going on that time in my life. I think I’ve softened up a bit (literally and figuratively, lol), probably still a smart ass, and definitely as quirky as ever (but perhaps better hidden). After going through all the different core clinical rotations I can reflect on how my own feelings towards medicine and patient care have evolved. What I’ve really come to realize is how my empathy towards humans changes depending on how stressed out I feel. The more stressed I become, the less empathy I have for other people. Being a fourth year now I can actually sit back and enjoy my rotations as the majority of them I have chosen for my own learning interests, and not worry about a test at the end. I’ve moved into the student housing by the hospital which is surprisingly nice, and fully furnished. For the first time in my life I am sans roommate, which is neither good nor bad but definitely a change. Although I can be a loner by nature I do miss sometimes being able just come out of my room and have a real person present to talk to. Part of this problem has been ameliorated by a peace lily recently purchased (I call her ‘Lil for short). I still wouldn’t mind waking up and finding a kitten in my closet...

Slasher Friday and a Romantic Evening for One

Originally written March 2nd, 2008

Before I begin this post I just want to start by saying that its absolutely disgusting to hear the noises of your roommate fornicating with her new boyfriend. I would rather give serial rectal exams to 83 year old men complaining of diffuse abdominal pain. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that the mexican fiance has vamanosed and she's taken a new 'lova'?

'Twas Friday evening, another call night at the hospital. At 5 pm I reported to the senoir, and he promptly sent me off to the operating room....there's nothing like the feeling of having your gloved hands inside the internal organs of another person. By 9pm I was out, and retired to my call room with the hope that I would sleep soundly through the night. Alas, there was no such luck - it was friday night stab night, as we had one trauma victim after another with knife wounds to various parts of their body. There are just so many people who 'mind their own business' when a crazy women comes to stab them.....By 5am, I was exhausted but grossly satisfied with the amount of blood I had seen, and was kindly let off early to go home. As walked home in the cold wee hours of the morning I contemplated how I would spend my Saturday evening after a days rest. So much to do by myself - should I wax my arms or somewhere a little more sensitive? Questions.......questions I could sleep on for now.

As I unwound Saturday morning before I retired I was informed the mutt would be remaining at home for the day. I felt sympathy for this poor ugly creature -to remain caged yet again. I kindly fed it peanut butter and human noursishment as I knew this was exactly what the owner did not want for her precious organically fed dog.

And so with ear plugs to drown out the mutts' whining I slept until 1700 hours, and awoke looking forward to the night ahead. Knowing it would be difficult to fall asleep again at a decent hour I planned my evening carefully for a Cinderella bedtime (before midnight). And so here is the recipe of a romantic evening for one:

1. Red Wine
2. Popcorn
3. Benzocaine (numbing agent)
3. Hot wax and muslin cloth
4. Diphenhydramine (benadryl)
5. 300 movie (rippling Spartan bodies on film)

Estimated time of events: 3hours. Pour glass of red wine. Apply benzocaine to area planned to be waxed. Consume the half a glass of wine while the benzocaine soaks into the skin. Wax numbed area while consuming the rest of the glass of wine. Shower to remove remnants of wax, and microwave the popcorn. Take one tablet of diphenhydramine - note the instructions on the package that forewarn the increased drowsiness effect of alcohol consumption with the medication. Settle into warm bed with the 300 movie, feeling tired again after only 5 hours of awake time, and fall into a lovely drug induced sleep with dreams of rippling Spartan bodies dancing through your head.

Desperate Measures

Originally written March 17th, 2008

It began Sunday morning, after sleeping most of Saturday being post call, and then into Saturday night. I awoke early Sunday morning as most normal people do – with the urge to pee. Quite unfortunately the bathroom was preoccupied with my roommates’ new fornicating friend. “No worries” I said to myself, “I’ll simply use the spare basement bathroom” (really only used in dire circumstances as it’s grungy, never cleaned, and the door doesn’t shut completely). As I walked out to the living room I noticed our door open, and silently prayed no one would be in the basement. Down the first set of stairs I climbed only to realize the basement door was open, and only one thing could be true – the basement bathroom was occupied. Oh the horror! Where was I to seek relief as I had already held out as along as possible for the upstairs bathroom. Desperate urges called for desperate measures…….I could wait no longer……..My eyes spied a glass in my room……did I dare? There was no place else. The unimaginable became a reality, as I was disgusted with what I was forced to do, but left with no other choice. Grossly disturbed and wondering how I should discard of this specimen I contemplated my options – do I pour it into the proper receptacle or………….how about throwing it out the window? Strangely, this seemed like the most satisfying option as I was somewhat incensed by what I was forced to do. And so up went the window pane, and like a mediaeval wench, merely cleaning house as the other bourgeoisie would do, out went my pee onto the grass below.
As for that glass (and the fact that it isn’t mine, and really cannot be discarded), I scratched a small marking on the bottom so I will know never to drink from it again. Even though I’ve bleached it, just knowing what it was used for is enough to make sure it stays in the back of the cabinet.

Buzzing

What a rollercoaster these last seven days have been:
- Got my test scores back – very pleased with myself.
- Competed in my first triathlon – a goal I set for myself and trained for in 1 month (with my mom, who placed first in her age class).
- Started my first rotation at the hospital – words cannot convey how I feel, but I am enjoying everyday, and learning every minute!

And so the next chapter has begun, and many adjustments are being made for the new set points of normalcy in my life:

1) It’s normal to have bags under my eyes.

2) It’s normal to carry 20 lbs of paraphernalia in my pockets.

3) It’s normal to feel that 5 hours of sleep a night will suffice.

4) It’s normal to feel like a moron and have no real qualms about it.

5) It’s normal to be pimped on a daily basis.

6) It’s normal to have a racing heart at least 3-4 times a day while being pimped.

7) It’s normal to sample over 20 different liquid forms of medications and rate the taste during morning report……holy crap I’d rather chug a bottle of the homemade rubbing alcohol whiskey than take a tsp of some of those medicines.

Anyways – the other students rock, the residents are wonderful, my attending is an inspirational teacher………and the patients are priceless. I love it!

MIA

I know I haven't been writing, but not much is going on (that and the fact that its just weird blogging when I'm home, and everyone is a local call away). Truthfully, the only time I really feel like writing is when I have a nice academic stress buzz going on. So instead of boring you with some really inane writings of my day to day activities (sleeping and internet surfing), I leave you with a funny picture of the area in the library I happened to study for the USMLE in.......too bad I didn't actually have time to look through them!

I'm BAAAAAACK

Total cost to write the test ~ $750 USD

Renting an apartment for 6 weeks ~$425

Cost of books, question banks and any other preparation materials ~ $200

Food for 6 weeks ~ $250.00

Hours of my life lost studying in the library and any other waking moment of my day – too many too count (whatever 12-14 x 42 is)

Years aged in those 6 weeks ~ at least 10.

The feeling of walking out of the test centre knowing that it was all over (regardless of how the test went) ~ PRICELESS.

There are many miserable things money can buy, for everything else there’s:

Oh Yeah! Its good to be done – let my summer begin!

Wrapping up my week

I know I haven't been blogging much - its not like I can't fit it into my day somewhere. In actuality, my brain is so tired at the end of the day (and I have no internet access at my apartment anymore), that the only thing I come up with is stuff like:

Today I studied.
I reviewed the kidney.
Acids and bases are cool.

My mornings are marked with bouts of crankiness, and a true lack of desire to get out of bed before 6:45 am (this is highly unlike me). I've been having a hard time falling asleep at night, as all the thoughts that have been pushed aside during the day for study purposes come flooding back to my mind once I turn off the light. But aside from my daily grind, things are alright and I have to admit it is really interesting seeing everything come together at once. So many connections are finally elucidating themselves. I love learning!

Soooooo..... this morning while in the change room after a morning swim I saw something rather odd. I've heard about it and I've known a couple of people to do it (ironically they've both been asians.....). As I came back from the showers next to my locker was a little asian girl with her pants down, shirt off, and saran-wrapping herself. Yep, that's right, she was wrapping herself from her torso to her knees, and then proceeded to pull up her track pants and throw on a t-shirt. Now normally I am definitely not one to stare at people. I don't even gawk at road accidents as most people tend to do. But I'll admit - I got in some good sidelong glances. I didn't know whether to suppress laughter or throw my hands up in the air and cry out "for the love of God!"

Oh the things people do to themselves.

Anatomical Memories

This is what the sciatic nerve means to me:

While reviewing my notes and reinforcing my anatomy, a memory popped up in my mind of my first friend (who I can recall forming full sentences with). He was a boy named James who lived somewhere on my street. I’m not quite sure how we became friends, but I do remember he was the first boy to give me flowers. While receiving one of my booster shots, my pediatrician must not have been entirely in the upper outer quadrant of my buttocks injecting me - hence hitting my sciatic nerve, and leaving my leg in pain for the rest of the day. When James came by to play and I could not, he came back with a freshly picked bouquet of flowers. Looking over my notes for some reason reminded me of that day when James brought me flowers.

Study log 279

Okay that last post was seriously depressing, so I had to write something. I moved into the 2 bedroom apartment that I looked at over the weekend, and I’ll be here for the next 5 weeks. It's location is a 2 minute walk from campus, and definitely a step-up from the couch surfing I've been doing (I can finally stretch my legs out). But apparently I’m getting a roommate – some kid from Belarus coming here to do some chemistry research. Sounds like a barrel of fun…..all I have to say is they'd better be tidy. So here is my study niche, although once Rikin gets here it will probably be some table at the library (no, those aren't all my books in the picture in case you're wondering).

I've come to grips with the August 13th start date, and its benefits (more flexibility for electives hopefully). Anyways, I'm back to my books.....its my favourite stuff right now - Parasites!!!

Just shoot me

I apologize in advance for the excessive punctuation.....

Truth be told, I’m stressed right now. So I thought maybe writing things out will help me, and put a damper on my obsessive mind. Here’s what’s stressing me out:

1) USMLE USMLE USMLE

2) This weekend I’m going to check out the housing I will be living in for the next six weeks…..decisions decisions…..I have to decide between 1 of 2 places – each have their pros and cons. I’ve been living on my brother’s couch for the past week…..and I’m starting to get a little squirrely.

3) I just got my start dates for my core clinical rotations – AUG 13^th! I want to cry right now, its just too early, I thought I wouldn’t be starting until the end of august/beginning of September. This early start date snowballs an entire cataclysmic series of things to stress about.

4) Now I have to really get on the apartment/car/visa issues/getting my life together thing.

5) &*#$! My summer is shot! I need a tattoo on my hand reminding me not to get my hopes up for anything these days!

6) I friggin hate this smog %@& I’m inhaling every time I go outside to exercise.

7) I hate when people don’t email me back…..lazy $&*#ers!

My rational mind is telling me there is no need for the level of stress I’m experiencing. The only thing I should be stressed about right now is the USMLE. Everything else doesn’t need to be worried about until after that event (July 12^th). But damn, reading that start date this morning really threw me off! I just have to breathe right now. Breath and study, breath and study……………………..my mommy is visiting this afternoon, lets hope this decreases the stress (but it could go either way).

Entertaining myself

So I had a routine optometry appointment this morning, and they put the pupil dilator eyedrops in…..so me, being the nerd that I am decided to take pictures of my eyes, looking out the window…….because the eyes are the “windows to our soul”……so I thought it would be a cool pic, except you can see a shadow of my arm and the camera in it…….and yes, I know I’m a geek.

If you click on the pic you can see an enlarged version of my eyeball.

Gearing down and back up

It’s been four days at home. I figure in another two, my eyes will start twitching. Since I’ve been home I’ve gone to Somerset (a posh mall for the rich folk where I peruse the sale racks) in the States, and to the grocery store. After getting over my initial culture shock of the mass consumerism (as I do every semester), and only a minor panic attack from visual overstimulation, I’ve been avoiding making that dreaded trip to Walmart to replenish the toiletry supplies.

Now that I’m home my mind is blank over what I should write about. I’ve scheduled my test date for the board exams, which gives me a little over 6 weeks to prepare. It’s definitely been great taking a much needed break from studying since finishing in St. Vincent’s, but I’m ready to be out of my house and get down to business. I finally unpacked my bags and did my laundry, but it does suck a little knowing that I’m just putting most of my stuff back into the suitcase to leave for London so I can study. Since I’ve been home I seemed to have picked up a lovely mucous filled upper respiratory infection as which seems to be the pattern every time I come back up north. Anyways, here's a pic from a recent jaunt out on the water in a friend's new boat (good times are definitely ahead).